his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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