Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
