Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
