frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
