The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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