Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
