Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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