yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
