Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
