i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
