I will die if light touches me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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