Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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