New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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