What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
