I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
