You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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