do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
