We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
