it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize