Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
