He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
