the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
