That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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