me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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