Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
