so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
