Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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