I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
