:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
