a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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