Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
