dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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