I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
