I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
