Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
