my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
