Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize