Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
