Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
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you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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