I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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