it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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