between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
