Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
