I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
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I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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