I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet