I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
