Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...