I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.