"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...