Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.

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  (678): Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol. http://tfl.nu/nnbo
  Replies (7) Good night (1146) Bad night (2252)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening

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  (732): and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening http://tfl.nu/8ijj
  Replies (17) Good night (1555) Bad night (4863)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  so you're single again?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  yea but it was worth it

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  (334): i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face (1-334): so you're single again? (334): yea but it was worth it http://tfl.nu/2tzr
  Replies (46) Good night (5082) Bad night (1096)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.

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  (205): Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high. http://tfl.nu/wyb4
  Replies (15) Good night (5071) Bad night (990)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.

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  (630): a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning. http://tfl.nu/n5pe
  Replies (12) Good night (5254) Bad night (1102)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

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  (360): I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days http://tfl.nu/ngst
  Replies (21) Good night (10048) Bad night (1280)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.

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  (224): someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming. http://tfl.nu/chjo
  Replies (5) Good night (3348) Bad night (922)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.

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  (612): Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier. http://tfl.nu/uqbe
  Replies (6) Good night (3018) Bad night (1682)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.

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  (317): You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order. http://tfl.nu/45qd
  Replies (7) Good night (846) Bad night (1639)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  This tent reeks of fear and sangria

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  (623): This tent reeks of fear and sangria http://tfl.nu/pbhq
  Replies (3) Good night (1560) Bad night (687)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays

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  (780): So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays http://tfl.nu/zrwo
  Replies (3) Good night (1183) Bad night (603)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.

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  (740): There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place. http://tfl.nu/9g42
  Replies (6) Good night (1148) Bad night (584)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  im still drunk. birthday week begins.

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  (704): i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat. (1-704): im still drunk. birthday week begins. http://tfl.nu/iqvd
  Replies (2) Good night (1390) Bad night (523)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.

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  (301): He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession. http://tfl.nu/9fz9
  Replies (3) Good night (751) Bad night (328)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.

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  (920): Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick. http://tfl.nu/e29r
  Replies (2) Good night (264) Bad night (491)

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