Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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