You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that