ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting