you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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