Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize