nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
