these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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