His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
