what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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