Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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