I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
