did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
