i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
