There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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