I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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