we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
