I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize