awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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