its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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