She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
